I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
