Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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