The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
