If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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