Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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