Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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