I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
