just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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