Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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