ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
