Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
