I faked an abortion last night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
