I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
