Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
