Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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