What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
