Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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