Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
