you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
