Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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