So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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