She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
