Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
