I like to think it a success when the cops are called
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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