Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
