There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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