1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
