It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
