I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
