Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
