Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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