she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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