I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
