the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
