i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
