How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
