No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
