Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is my gift to your gina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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