She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
