she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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