you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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