i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
