Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
