Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
