Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
