He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
