a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
