At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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