i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
