he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
