i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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