Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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