I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
