Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
