We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
