if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize