Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
