I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
