I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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