Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
