the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
