oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
