please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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