First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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