omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
