Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
