he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
