This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
