and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
