What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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