I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
