the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize