I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
