honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I cut my penus on the lid.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
