I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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