And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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