Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
