I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
