yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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