Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize