I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
