I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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