I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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