im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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