I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
