we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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