soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
