Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
