$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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